Hoosierland

Hello there Nathaniel, Ben, Dan, Scott, James, Dave, and Lee.  Lee, congratulations on what was (judging by pictures) a really beautiful wedding.   I hope the return to Chicago/move went smoothly. 

At the risk of straying from the typical Woodchipper fare of anonymous Nic Cage chimeras and pictures of tousled-haired kids with plastic straw-glasses, I thought I would humbly offer an update on my life at IU, with the equally humble hope that others would follow with updates on their own lives.

In case you’re wondering what a Hoosier actually is, this 20,000 word essay should clear things up.   http://www.indiana.edu/~librcsd/internet/extra/hoosier.html.   The only obvious takeaway from this monstrous piece of speculation is that all the possible etymologies for “Hoosier” are almost without exception, pretty derogatory. 

I’ve now finished my first week of classes at Indiana.  I am taking jazz piano lessons from Luke Gillespie, (a buddy of Dr. Horn at Wheaton), Jazz Arranging, The Bebop Era, Jazz Ensemble, Jazz Combo, and various master classes.   The Bebop Era is taught by this jovial fellow: http://info.music.indiana.edu/sb/page/normal/22.html, David Baker, who is the 80-year-old chair and patron saint of the jazz program.  (In his early days he played trombone with Miles Davis, Lester Young, and just about everyone else who was anyone in the bebop world.  A car accident and resulting jaw injury left him unable to play trombone, so he instead became a world-renowned cellist and composer.)    I was placed in the third best jazz ensemble - there are two pianists in each of the five ensembles, meaning there are four or five jazz pianists here who could whup my ass in any given jam session. 

For the last two Sundays I’ve been going to a non-denominational church called Exodus, and have been liking it.  The pastor Matt Nussbaum and his wife Kathie both graduated from Wheaton and there are several Nussbaums who either recently graduated from Wheaton or are currently attending.   Julia Stanton, a Wheaton grad two years ahead of all of us, now master’s student at IU in Career & College Administration, also goes to Exodus. 

I am living in a pretty big house a 10-minute drive from campus.  My commute consists of driving Volvo Baggins to the football stadium, which serves as a park & ride from which I take a 15-minute bus ride to the school of music.  I share the house with Taylor Anderson, a 26-year-old (female) master’s student in the school of education, specifically learning sciences, Martin Shedd, a 22-year-old master’s student in classics, specializing in medieval folklore, and Nathaniel Olson, whose reputation precedes him.   My adventures have included going on hikes in the 40-acre wooded land trust behind the house, going to a Sublime cover-band show with Taylor and her sister, going to a couple jazz clubs, and going to see the (surprisingly emotional, anyone??) movie The Help.   Notably, one of the local bars, Yogi’s, has a 100-beer “century challenge”, and Taylor, after being here two weeks, is up to 50. 

After a homeschooled high-school experience and a 2,500-student suburban undergraduate experience, IU is a lot different, needless to say.  It’ll probably take me a while to get used to the innumerable hordes of wanna-be jocks, Korean finance students, Alpha Phi sorority-ites, and pseudo-bumpkins from places like Pacudah and Mishawaka.   But I’m already starting to feel pretty settled after the first week.   I’m glad for the 3-day weekend to have some time to recharge.   

That’s it for now.  I miss you all and you’re all in my prayers. 

Matt

You talker dunsker's brogue men we our souls speech obstruct hostery.

BEER FEST

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Lost in Translation

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Apocalypshit

Dearest,

If you have not yet heard, our days are numbered. The Cumaean Sibyl, stirring after centuries of slumber, has spoken Fate's decree through the modern-day prophet Harold Camping, and the tidings they bring are unglad indeed: the end of the world is rapidly approaching. Camping, an elderly Christian radio broadcaster, speaking from the decadent wastelands of San Francisco, CA, has proclaimed that this coming Saturday, May 21, 2011, is in fact the DAY OF JUDGMENT. Three percent (approx. 200 million people) of the world will be raptured at precisely 6PM (each according to their corresponding time zone), the rest left to suffer the great Period of Tribulation until their (along with the rest of the universe's) utter annihilation by fire five months later on October 21, 2011. So, prepare yourself. Don't make any plans for Sunday, unless you think you might miss out on the Rapture. And if that's the case, then you might want this as a souvenir of your DAMNATION:

"Wait a minute," you're saying to yourself now. "How can I know for sure that May 21 is the DAY OF JUDGMENT? After all, didn't this fellow Harold Camping already predict this same thing to happen way back when in 1994? It seems that he got that one wrong. What's to say he's not wrong again about 2011?"

Well, a couple of things to say in response to your very valid questions. First, although Camping did originally predict September 1994 as the date that the world would end, he left some wiggle-room in his prophecy to accommodate the possibility of its fulfillment in 2011. Smart, huh? That's just the way prophets roll. Second, the ancient Mayan and Aztec civilizations both predicted that some big fucking thing was going to happen to the world in 2011 or 2012 (see 2012, the film). I don't know about you, but to me that sounds like more than a coincidence. Finally, the application of some simple numerology to the Bible, a highly mathematical text, provides us with conclusive, inarguable evidence for the end of the world in 2011. Viz:

Through the accumulation of much scientific evidence, we can safely assume that the biblical Flood described in Genesis occurred in the year 4990 BCE (Camping, "The Biblical Calendar of History," see sources below). In Genesis 7:4, God proclaims, "Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth." Clearly an allegory. An allegory for the end of the world. But seven days? 2 Peter 3:8: "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." Days and years and ones and thousands are interchangeable; thus, seven days become seven thousand years; thus, the world ends 7000 years after 4990 BCE, i.e. in 2011 CE. May 21 corresponds to the "17th day of the second month" described in Genesis 7:11. So there you have it, incontrovertible, airtight, plain as day. But you want more, do you? Well then, how about some gematria?

1. 5="atonement", 10="completeness", 17="heaven" (source: Harold Camping)
2. Christ hung on the cross on April 1, 33 CE. April 1, 2011, minus April 1, 33, equals 1,978 years.
3. 1,978 multiplied by 365.2422 (number of days in a solar year) equals 722,499.
4. The time between April 1 and May 21 (date for the Rapture) equals 51 days.
5. 51 added to 722,499 equals 722,500.
6. (5 x 10 x 17) squared, or ("atonement" times "completeness" times "heaven," the story of God's salvation of humanity) squared, is also equal to 722,500.

I hope this has been sufficient evidence to persuade you to the truth. By the time you read this, you will probably only have a few hours before you are judged. I wish you the best, but if we all happen to be around come Sunday, well, party at my place. Cheers.

Sources:
Harold Camping: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_Camping
2011 End of the World: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_end_times_prediction
Biblical Calendar of History: http://www.asa3.org/ASA/PSCF/1970/JASA9-70Camping.html
Judgment Day 2011: http://judgementday2011.com/
SURVIVAL KITS FOR END OF THE WORLD: http://www.2012supplies.com/

--DTS

Never forget.

-Lee